Ambrose Bierce

Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.”

Lawsuit, n. A machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

Money, n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.”

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”