Jokes

What makes something funny?

Some jokes are funny no matter what your age, ethnicity or gender. Some jokes can make you laugh even if you’ve heard them before and know the punch line. Some jokes have to be seen to get the whole impact and some can bring tears to your eyes just by reading them. Humor is one of life’s surprising gifts. It has the power to save an awkward moment from going completely off the rails and it can make a good day one that you’ll cherish forever.

 

If someone says to you “So this guy walks into a bar...”, right away you know they’re going to tell you a joke. We’ve collected all kinds of jokes for our archives, from the stupid to the sublime. Looking for puns? You’ve come to the right place. Enjoy a good shaggy dog story? Read “The Bell Ringer” and “The Bell Ringer’s Brother.” One-liners...two-liners...we’ve got a million of ’em. Go ahead and click something below and oh, yeah... you’re welcome!

The Jokes...

Russian 101 text book

The couple was delighted when their long wait...

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Yankee Alert!

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be...

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Woman in bathrobe with curlers

A man came home from work and found his three...

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BIff sitting with question mark over head

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at...

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Proud Parents

On our 25th anniversary, my husband took me...

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Hotel key

When a vacationer wrote to a hotel asking...

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Pink Poodle

Once there were three male dogs who set eyes...

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Doctor holding an x-ray of a skull

When a vacationer wrote to a hotel asking...

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American Gothic painting by Grant Wood (1930)

Ole and Lena’s bull took sick and died, so...

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Spotted Cow

A city man was tooling down a country road...

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EKG machine with readout

Doctor: “Sorry. Your brother’...

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Eye Chart

“The average woman would rather have beauty...

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Bells ringing

Enjoy a good shaggy dog story? Read the...

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Computer with crazy screen

There are two major products to come out of...

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Frog in Love

Jim Finn, the noted biologist, was stumped. He...

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Dahling

Note: The following jokes are...

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Bow Tie

Two guys are driving along an outback road and...

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Healthy Man

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of...

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Priest wearing robe and hat

Brother John entered the ‘Monastery of Silence...

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Angry Cowboy

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the...

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bear head

How can you tell a brown bear from a grizzly...

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Hot Dog with Ketchup and Fries

The Buddhist and the hot dog and the Buddhist...

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newspaper

A older woman down south goes into the local...

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Caesar the bull

A Wyoming rancher had a bull named...

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the cow
cat sleeping on clouds
Nighty-night

Nine rules for cats living in a cat lover’s...

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Sitting cat

Q: Why don’t cats play poker...

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Poodle with a question mark over his head

How you know when it’s raining REALLY HARD...

Christmas ornament

What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet....

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Saint Nick

What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!...

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rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

If Santa rode a motorcycle, what kind...

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Dive In Stamp with three fish

A suave-looking chap invited a...

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Blue screen of death

“Daddy, what does ‘FORMATTING DRIVE...

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Pocket Watch

All computers wait at the same speed...

Bad Command...Very Bad Command

Escape is impossible, but that doesn’t mean...

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Computer with Happy Face
Happy Graduate
Tex the cowboy

Don’t squat with your spurs on. Don’t mess...

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Cowboy with lasso

A cowboy was walking down the...

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U.S. Capitol building

Accountant to fellow worker: “For a...

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tooth with funny glasses

What did the tooth say to the departing...

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Word Balloon

Did you hear the one about the two silkworms...

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Man pondering a dilemma
Pair of cows
Bird with band on leg
Man in business suit

Unable to attend the funeral after...

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There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a...

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Dog looking up, waiting for command

On the first day of creation, God created the...

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can of dog food
Man in office chair talking on the phone

A young businessman had just...

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Elephant in nature

How do you know there are TWO elephants in...

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People sitting around a table talking

A group of aspiring psychiatrists...

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working dog

A local business was looking for office help....

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Senator Windbag
little man with heart

The following are statements from kids about...

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Man wondering

Gee...I wonder where the mother bear is? Watch...

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Monks at their Fast Food Restaurant

Did you hear about the two men from...

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Diploma

A young theologian named Fiddle Refused to...

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Helicopter Icon
Dancing Skeleton
Origami Sitting Crane

According to inside contacts, the...

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fisherman with fish

Two guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all...

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Airhead Airlines plane
Propeller airplane
football

Pro football announcer and former NFL coach...

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Guy in a kayak

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were...

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bronze rat
SItting Bull, Indian Chief
Story TIme

A first grade teacher collected old, well-...

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U.S. states

A humorous twist on state mottoes.

Ad block

6-month old kitty vs. 32-year old husband......

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wounded and on crutches

Q. What does HMO stand for? ANSWER: This is...

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flowers
Frog with Flower in a Vase
Funny Money

Two teenage boys were counterfeiting...

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funny exit sign

Funny signs found along life’s highways and...

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Old timey king

A native king learned that...

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Student sitting at his desk

After seeing his test results, a...

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Teacher at the blackboard

Participles? Dangling participles? Pluperfect...

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Good ol boy

No apologies given for the following puns. Be...

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St. Basil Cathedral

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was...

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gorilla at the zoo
Party Popper

A couple were celebrating their 25th...

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executive and boss

A young executive was leaving the...

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floppy disk with cadeusus

Never write a line of code that someone else...

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Medical document

Following are actual entries in hospital...

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Dog with question mark looking at lamp

See how different breeds will (or will not)...

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Puppy Photo

Detailed instructions on how to photograph a...

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Calendar on January 1

Here’s how to determine whether you’ve had...

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lion roaring
Head of a Bear

A couple of hunters from Prague are...

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two hunters

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them...

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tortoise with world on his back

Winners from the Washington Post...

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Sphinx with tie
unfolded map

Occasionally, airline attendants make an...

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Kangaroo with Joey
Angry Military Guy

A new soldier was on sentry duty at...

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hand knocking

A slew of the old tried-and-true “Knock-Knock...

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Train carrying a banana
In-laws

Three friends were discussing what...

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Mom with towel on her head and dog looking on
State Trooper

The local policeman had just...

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lawyer as a shark

A few jokes intended to poke fun at lawyers on...

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light bulb

How many surrealists does it take to screw in...

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Walrus Police man

Actual laws that have been enacted and put on...

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Cole Slaw

How do crazy people go through the forest?...

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Leprechaun smoking a pipe
Maintenance Man
Alligator

A man walked into a bar with his...

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Open Wide

A man goes to his dentist because he...

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dog running

What do you get when you cross a pitbull with...

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healthy foods

A man walks into a Doctor’s office....

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Chemist examining a test tube

A prominent doctor discovered that...

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Crook with bag of money

Did you hear about the midget clairvoyant...

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Military computer

Military leaders succeed in building...

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Bald eagle sarge

In an effort to ensure proper training and...

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Tourist

Travel Notice: As you head...

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mixed bag

What do you call three rabbits in a row,...

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Mom and Dad

Father: Don’t you...

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the mouse

A fellow received a mouse for his...

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Smiling mushroom

A mushroom walks into a bar, sits...

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musical notes

Humorous definitions for musical terms, like...

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wrist watch

Jake is struggling through an...

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newspaper with picture of cow

“Name names!” the crusty editor...

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Man yelling at a wimpy guy

“This is the last time one of your...

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One-Arm bread slicer

A man recently invented a knife that...

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Peekaboo Kitty

Cat-related cartoon regarding “Never, ever...

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Space Needle in Seattle

“I can’t believe it,” said the tourist. “I’ve...

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banana split

Late-night snacks have no calories. The...

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Legal stuff: books, gavel, scales

“You seem to have more than the...

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Refrigerator

“Doctor, you must do something about...

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Three Hearts

When you’re swimmin’ in the creek...

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olympic rings

Three athletes were standing in line...

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squad car
Notes with one liners

Seven days without puns makes one weak. I know...

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Family Portrait

Yes, parenthood changes everything....

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kitty with a pill

Step 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook...

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Trooper on the side of the road

“The handcuffs are tight because...

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Democrat and Republican candidates

“My brother worked in the mayor’s campaign,...

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Dog with question mark over his head

Those who live by the sword get shot by those...

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Joe and the Pope

Two guys were sitting at a bar when one says...

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Curtains

She spent the first day packing her belongings...

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pencil writing stet

Humorous take on proofreader’s marks, plus a...

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Farmer and the horse

An out-of-towner drove his car into...

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police trooper

A young man was pulled over by the Louisiana...

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Man hiking with walking stick and backpack

I did not make these up! These are questions...

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Two Birds at a bird bath

Very early one morning two birds are...

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Man laying on the ground Out Cold

A woman met her husband at the train...

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movie tickets

When the usher noticed a man...

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Santa with sack of toys

I am pleased to present the following annual...

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Country Church

A boy was watching his father...

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Girl giggling

How do crazy people go through the forest?...

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Professor at blackboard

A professor stood before his class of 20...

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A man goes to his doctor and tells...

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monkey bartender

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the...

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Lobster

Why don’t lobsters share?...

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Hero sandwich

Two men went into a diner and sat...

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Spelling Bee

A detailed glimpse into the vagaries of...

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Swirl, ouch, boing

A string walks into a bar, sits down...

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Stupid Person sign

Stupid people should have to wear signs that...

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Baby New Year

After a young couple brought their...

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tax form

Tax Form: How much did you...

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tern on branch
Fireman

A list of things I’ve learned from kids, like...

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movie camera

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a...

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doctor looking at x-ray

Better save that. We’ll need it for the...

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bag o' money

Early to bed,
Early to rise,...

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Three hands showing 1-2-3 fingers

There are three kinds of people in...

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Genie's Magic Lamp

A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a...

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the king

Once upon a time, there was a good king and...

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tombstone

Two old ladies were walking around a...

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headstone

Generally, tombstones include the deceased’s...

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Hospital Food

According to Merriam-Webster, an ox-y-...

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Air control tower at night

While practicing auto-rotations...

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penguins

A police officer sees a man driving around...

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Two Horses
atom

Two molecules are walking down the...

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Successful Man and Failure Man

Two weevils started life together. One was an...

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two cows

Political and governmental...

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Doctor looking at thermometer

Podiatrist: As a student, he always aspired to...

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Sis Boom Bah!
UPS airplane tail

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form...

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On the 'net
blue car

The prospective buyer drove the used car back...

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cocktail in a glass
Pope driving
dog with hearts

What do you call a cartoon that... ...

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Dog howling
business man in a bar
waffle

What do you call the horrible feeling you get...

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Wal-Mart Greeter
Two medals

The Washington Post Style...

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three books

Wacky definitions for common words and...

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police car

What do you call the horrible feeling you get...

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Three men talking

Three friends were discussing what...

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cat and dog

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of...

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witch on a broomstick

Once upon a time in England, a very...

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red x
Man with multile injuries

Porter was known as the Yank pilot, because he...

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Will Shakespeare

Teacher: “How does...

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