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Frequently Asked Questions about Health Care
 Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its
roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard
of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be
made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard
enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical
finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and
referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose
the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who
were participating in the plan at the time the information was
gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories --
those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those
who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't
worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and
accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive
away.
Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged
when they want to talk about existing conditions.
Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.
Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the
name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a
stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he
can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really
perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10
co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.
SOURCE: Humor in Nursing;
Volume 1: Issue 4 from the Nursing Network.
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