The Last Banana

train with banana

There once was this guy who worked for the Railroad as a conductor. Let’s say his name was Joe. Well, Joe was walking through the train, en route, collecting tickets from the passengers. He comes to car 12, booth 3. In it is this beautiful woman. He asked her for her ticket: “Excuse me ma’am, do you have your ticket?”

“Oh, I am soooo sorry, I dropped it out the window by accident,” she replied. “Sorry, ma’am can’t have any passengers without tickets.” He grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and threw her out of the train. Well, she landed on the tracks, was run over by the train. Naturally, the conductor was arrested, thrown in jail. He was convicted of murder before a jury of his peers, and sentenced to death by electrocution.

The day of his execution came up, and he was asked what he would like for his last meal. He asked for a banana. They gave it to him, he ate it, received his last rites, and was escorted to the chair. The executioner strapped him in, hooked everything up. Last, he threw the big switch once, and nothing happened. So, he did it again, and nothing happened.

Well, by law the conductor was legally dead, so they had to release him. Oddly enough, the guy got a job on another railroad, as a conductor! One day, he was gathering tickets, and came to a booth with a little boy. “Young man, do you have your ticket?” asked the conductor. “Uh-uh. I’m sorry, I ate it by mithtake,” said the little boy. And... the same thing happened — the boy was thrown off the train and killed. The guy was arrested, sentenced to death by electrocution.

It came to his last day and the death row guard asked him what he would like for his meal. He asked for a banana again. He ate it, and a priest gave him last rites. He was escorted to the death chamber. This time, though, they where smart. They washed his hands to get rid of any banana slime, they washed up the chair. Next, they placed him in the chair, and hooked him up. The switch-puller pulled the switch once, and nothing happened. The switch-puller pulled the switch twice, and nothing happened, not even a single hair raising on the guy’s chest. Well, as the law says, they had to let him go....

Even more amazingly, he got a job on yet another railroad. This time it was a rabbi. Same old stuff. Rabbi had no ticket (he forgot to buy it). Guy threw him off the train, rabbi died. Guy was arrested, convicted, sentenced to death by electrocution. When the guard asked him what he would like for a last meal, he asked for a banana. He ate it, received last rights, and was escorted to the chamber. However, this time the officials where going to get it right!

They scrubbed his body with a brillo pad. They scrubbed the chair with steel wool. They tried the chair on a few other prisoners... Okay, they strapped him in, and threw the switch once, nothing happened. They threw the switch a second time, nothing happened. At this point the guy was legally dead, etc, etc. But, before the guy could leave, the executioner, extremely frustrated (he’d seen this same guy three times already) asked, “What is it with the banana!”

The guy replied, “I just like bananas.”

So, the executioner screamed, “Then how come you don’t die????!!!!”

“I dunno,” replied the guy, “I guess I’m just not a very good conductor.”