Lots of Two-Liners!

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

Why don’t blind people like to skydive?

Because it scares the dog to death.

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psychopath.

How do you get Holy Water?

You boil the Hell out of it.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?

Damn!

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?

A Stick.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese.

What do you call Santa’s helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand?

Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The location of the dirt bag.

Why do Pilgrims’ pants always fall down?

Because they wear their buckles on their hats.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, unique up on it.

What do you call skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.

How are a Tennessee tornado and a East Texas divorce the same?

Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.