In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic principles of recruit training:
- Marines — heads will be shaved.
- Army — flat-tops for all recruits.
- Navy — no haircut standard.
- Air Force — complete makeovers as seen on the Orah Winfrey show.
- Marines — rise at 0500, train until 2000.
- Army — rise at 0600, train until 1900.
- Navy — rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch til 1300, train till 1600.
- Air Force — rise at 1000, breakfast in bed, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400, training ceases at 1500.
- Marines — Meals-Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
- Army — one hot meal, 2 MRE’s.
- Navy — 3 hot meals.
- Air Force — catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Childs, and Wolfgang Puck. All you can eat.
LEAVE and LIBERTY:
- Marines — none.
- Army — 4 hours a week.
- Navy — 2 days a week.
- Air Force — for every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.
- Marines — will address all officers as “Sir” and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. SGT Smith).
- Army — will address all officers as “Sir,” unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel “Sarge.”
- Navy — will address all officers as Skipper, and all enlisted personnel as Chief.
- Air Force — all Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with all other personnel.
- Marines — medals & badges are awarded for acts of gallantry & bravery.
- Army — medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade thrown, fitness test passed, and bed made.
- Navy — will have ships’ engineers make medals for them as needed.
- Air Force — will be issued all medals as they will most likely be awarded them at some point early in their careers.
- Marines — work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
- Army — will wear it anytime, anywhere.
- Navy — will not wear cammies, they do not camouflage you on a ship. Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to your sailors.
- Air Force — will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue and gray service chevrons and name tapes on them. They will also get newly designed and personally tailored uniforms to replace the airline pilot coats they have now.
- Marines — all Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.
- Army — doesn’t matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in the first enlistment.
- Navy — nobody knows. Navy still trying to figure out what all the SMC, BNC, BSN, and all the other ratings things are.
- Air Force — every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow them to leave the Air Force early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.