Getting in shape...

"I figure I gotta lose weight. So I went to this doctor. The doctor says, "You're lucky to come to me 'cause I got a new method. You take these pills whenever you feel hungry. You don't have to eat nothing. Just take a pill. Simple, huh? So is the doctor. The first week I gained nine pounds. I ate 7,000 pills. I was starving.

—Buddy Hackett

"Physical fitness is in. I recently had a physical fit myself." —Steve Allen

They always give you a personal trainer at these fitness centers. Mine looked like one of the American Gladiators; a huge, steroid-looking monster. I think her name was Kelly. —Scott Wood